Not to worry, I am still here –

Bringing everyone up to speed –

So it is becoming clear that keeping a blog is quite similar to writing letters. I really stink at keeping current in both of these areas. I am THAT person that loves to receive a letter and has the best of intentions of writing myself, but then just get sidetracked, forget, etc and don’t get around to it. So, sincerest apologies for keeping everyone hanging – and off we go-

When I last left you, I was waiting for blood results to return. Well, they were much the same, but my doctors decided that as a doctor, I understood the risk involved with the low white blood cell counts and that I was sensible so they would allow me to decide if I wanted to go forward with chemo. Well, of course I decided to go forward (I am not sure what gave them any indication that I am sensible, but I was going to just run with their misconception ;). In order to keep going, my chemo dosage would be decreased and I would start back on injections to help boost my WBC counts. Well, that was almost 3 weeks ago and my counts have been amazing! Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers during this time.

If I am to be honest (funny to say that, why would I be dishonest?), I was disappointed that my cell counts weren’t ‘miraculously’ improved. I mean, wouldn’t that prove the power of prayer? As I considered this, it occurred to me I was quite specific in what I prayed for and in turn asked others to pray for. I wanted the numbers to behave. Why did I want that? Well, so I could proceed with chemo of course. But there were actually other things that had been nagging at me those two weeks off of chemo. I really felt like I KNEW what we should be doing and I felt like NO ONE WAS LISTENING to me. What did I want? I wanted the injections to boost my white cell counts. Every time I mentioned it, I was assured that it would be considered and each time I asked about it when chemo was called off, it was not going to be the plan. Did I pray for this? Actually, no, I did not. So when my numbers were still not behaving, but I felt like I had been HEARD, it was an answer to a prayer that I didn’t even think to pray.

Why does this matter, you may ask? Isn’t the end result the same – more chemo? Well, yes and no. If my WBC count continued limping on at ‘just good enough’, I could have chemo, but realistically, still be at higher risk of infection. With these injections, my WBC count is doing very well. As not just coronavirus, but also flu and other seasonal illnesses pick up in the colder weather, even though I am still considered immune suppressed, I have extra protection with these boosted counts.

I don’t have many ‘relevant’ photos, but will admit part of the reason I am slow to update is I am enjoying my favourite season – Fall/Autumn!! Here is a glimpse of what we’ve been up to –

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Just when you think you’ve got the hang of it –

So I have been back in the chemo chair the past two Fridays. I have been starting a bit of a countdown as the plan is still to finish up chemo the last Friday in November. So last week I got settled in for the routine of the day. I pack a lunch to take along, I even took my laptop to catch up on a bit of online education. I had taken a small nap and eaten my lunch and was just watching a bit of Netflix when I got a funny wee feeling in the palms of my hands. No big deal, just a bit itchy. Hmmm, and I might need to blow my nose as well, now that I think of it. I’m not sure why my eyes are feeling a bit heavy. I already took a nap? There is only 5 more minutes in this episode. Perhaps I will just see how I feel when it is over. I then remembered that my doctors were trusting me to be ‘sensible’. So I started putting all my ‘tech’ away – because if there is an emergency, I sure don’t want anything spilled on my laptop – sensible, right? Then I quietly asked if my nurse was available. Well, the look I got when I asked that question told me I was right to let them know because everyone started running – running for BP cuffs, fluids, extra hands . . . There was no convincing them that I was ‘fine’, but just thought I should tell them about my hands, and now perhaps my feet as well, and maybe now that you ask, I can’t get quite as deep of a breath as usual. Then BAM – shot of IV hydrocortisone! Whooo hooo that is something. Not that I have ever sat on a cactus that was on fire, but I imagine it would feel a bit like that.

My hesitation to mention how I was feeling was rooted a bit in my determination to not miss any more chemo. I mean, what if I complain and it isn’t anything and I then miss another round? Well, once everything settled down, the plan was to retry it more slowly and get the remaining carboplatin in, now that I had the extra protection of the hydrocortisone and other emergency meds on board. I was able to finish with no further drama. Hoooray!

Other than feeling tired, I have done very well with being able to keep going . As usual, it is often the motivation that is lacking. My sister is doctor of Physical Therapy and works primarily with clients living with Parkinsons disease. When I saw a challenge put out by one of her clients who is also a cancer survivor, I was motivated to join in her challange. I mean, a one time 2K walk is so doable, right? Well, I had no sooner committed to that, than the school Elijah, Ezra, and Ellie attend issued a Movember challenge for the month of November focusing on men’s health and men’s mental health. The options were to grow your beard/mustache, walk/run 60k in November, or simply ‘move’. Well, we are a family impacted by these issues so although it was a ‘bit’ more than just 2k, I thought I would commit to that as well.

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Where have those 21 weeks gone???

Well, today will be my 3rd to last chemo session. That means I have got more appointments and scans coming up in the next few weeks to help solidify the next step. I have an MRI on Monday and mammogram on Wednesday and plans to likely meet with my surgeon the week or so after to formulate a plan. At this point, the lump that started this whole thing can likely not even be felt (I think I may be imagining where it is or feeling the biopsy scarring?) so I am actually looking forward to knowing how these scans compare with the ones from before treatment. On the other hand, there is a term that I have learned in listening and observing others who are dealing with cancer – ‘scanxiety’. I can tell you it is real. That fear of what your scan MAY show. This is going to be a real part of my life from now on. There will not be a time when I DON’T need to keep ‘looking’ for this cancer to start regrowing or picking up somewhere else. This can obviously cause some anxiety. I appreciate your prayers for all to go well. I know not all of you pray and I appreciate hearing you are thinking of me during this time. I do not feel scared or anxious, but realize that there is always the potential for scans to find the unexpected.

This time, I will not be praying for a specific outcome. Instead, I am praying that whatever the outcome, God will use it as a building block, building me into a person prepared and equipped to be a blessing to those who will need it, when it is my turn to love and support them.