🎶 Last Chemo🎵. . .-

And Chemo is ‘in the can’ – As I type this, I am wondering how many of you have any clue where the phrase ‘in the can’ came from? Perhaps some of the photographers out there? Well, if not, that can be your ‘home work’. Today was my last of 24 weeks of chemo. Those same 24 weeks I look back on wondering where the time went, seemed insurmountable just, well 24 weeks ago. I have been thinking in the past months about perspective. A couple of months ago, I was going in for an appointment and watched a woman crossing the parking lot to her vehicle. I thought she was going to get in and drive off, but realized she was just placing the parking slip on her dash. This struck me as odd because from where I was waiting, I could clearly see she was parked beside a machine that dispenses the slips, but had walked across the lot to get one. She didn’t see it on the other side of her vehicle. So I pulled into a different spot, almost opposite her, parked walked across to the machine next to her car to get my slip. As I turned to cross to my car, I then clearly saw the parking machine one car beyond where I parked. The smugness I had just felt at her not seeing what was literally right next to her evaporated as I did exactly the same. As I continue my treatment for breast cancer, I keep learning that not everyone can see things from the same perspective and viewpoint and that is okay. We make decisions based on what we know at the time and it may or may not turn out to be the right one, but it is important to show each other and ourselves grace and patience.

Well, lets get down to some updates – there is quite a lot that has happened so, buckle up,. . .

Updates (couldn’t think of a catchy title) –

My last update was about 2 weeks ago. Well, I went in for chemo on that Friday and had a reaction to my chemo yet again. As before, everyone reacted quickly and avoided anything very serious. I spent a good deal of time trying to convince myself it was something else, I was just anxious and that was why my breathing felt heavier and my head felt tight, but nope – it was the carboplatin at it again. That meant I was not going to be able to receive that particular part of my chemotherapy again. So the past 2 weeks I have been down to just the Paclitaxel. Everything has gone smoothly and without any further complication. Woohoo. Now this is only phase 1 of 3 (here we are, back to fractions again 😉 . Even so, it is nice to have it – ‘in the can’.

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I have now had all of my imaging repeated – MRI, Mammogram, and Ultrasound (and even a visit to the clinical photography studio – it is actually called a studio 🙂 ). I have never been one for being photographed so all this focus on my breasts has been a bit, well weird. I never had aspirations of being a centerfold, and the ‘clinical photography studio’ nice as it was, has reinforced this life choice 🤣. But, I digress, the results are back and I am pleased to say that despite 2 missed weeks, a reduced dose and dropping the carboplatin on the last two cycles, my cancer has responded very well and is no longer visible on any of these scans. This is what we were hoping for and also the reason that clips are placed in the areas where the biopsies are taken. That way, they can find where the cancer was and still remove it to look at the pathology. So now the gears are shifting toward planning for surgery. It looks as though this will be scheduled for the last week of the year.

A Very Thankful Thanksgiving

So there is MUCH to be thankful for. Sure, I can be bummed out that due to keeping ‘mom safe’ we aren’t having our usual blowout Thanksgiving. Or that this Christmas season will feel a bit too much like last year – locked down isolating for surgery. But, what a blessing to have this great news to celebrate. I have my family looking out for me here, my parents who trekked the globe to see us and lend their support, my sisters at my beck and call, my in-laws with their ongoing love and support. I have my Emma returning to us soon ( I have missed that young lady!), we have a church family that have gathered around us and lifted us up with lifts, food, and prayers. We have a primary one family who have helped keep life normal for Elspeth and provided us love and support as well. I really have so little reason to complain. Everyone has a different path, this one is mine and God is walking faithfully beside me through the good and bad of it. I know not everyone will agree with me, but it is not his job to remove the obstacles in my way, but to support me along it. Just like with my kids, sometimes it is 10 times easier to just do the task myself, but then they are robbed of learning how to succeed. I am not sure what success looks like with respect to cancer. I think it can look a lot of different ways. And here we are back to perspective. One last story and it will ‘be a wrap’ (I’m trying to drop you little hints here along the way – )

It is all much clearer if you wait for the light –

Elspeth and I were waiting to pick up the older three at school. It was only 5:15pm, but in the UK in November, it may as well be midnight it is that dark. Anyway, since we were waiting, Elspeth unbuckled and came to sit in the front with me while we listened to Christmas music and I did what any mom in that situation with 15 spare minutes will do – pull out my phone and try to catch up on my to do list. So the next thing I know, the rearview mirror is dangling from the windscreen. She had somehow pulled it down! Well, of course I tried to just shove it back up there, but with no light that was difficult. When the kids got to the car, Ezra and I attempted again after looking at both pieces with the torch on our phones (that is so much cooler of a word than flashlight don’t you think?), but still couldn’t get it on. I even moved to the other seat where I could get it to stay on – sort of- but it was visibly crooked and could easily be pulled back down. ARGH!!!!

Well, today was the first opportunity I had to look at the situation in daylight. I approached it the same as before, trying to line it all up and just push it on really hard, but got nothing but dangling mirror. It just really wanted to go on crooked for some reason. So I took it off again and took off my glasses (yep, this is where we are – if you know you know) and gave both pieces one more look with proper lighting and it became clear. The mirror needed to placed against the windscreen ‘crooked’ and then rotated into the proper place. No amount of forcing it from straight on would have worked. I am not exactly sure of the point of this story except that I spent a good amount of frustration, time and effort trying to do something in less than optimal conditions. What I really needed was to wait for the proper light and perspective.

Next week it will be strange to not go to Ninewells on Thursday and Friday as I have been for so many weeks, but life beckons – we’ve got boys gettin’ older around here that need celebrated and Christmas decorating to do, and an Emma to welcome home and . . .