Once the ride has started . . .

It seems to get harder and harder to just take a few minutes to gather my thoughts and put a post together. There is some expectation (mine, not yours) that I need something witty or worthwhile to share. There is also the pressure of knowing there is so much that I need to ‘catch you up’ on and the thought of where to start can be a bit overwhelming. There are days (usually when on steroids) when thoughts come fast and somewhat randomly. And there are others that I cannot remember what I came into the room for – actually that is not a new problem, I have spent at least 18 years blaming that one on my children ;).

So, in an effort to not fall further behind, I will try to do a bit of review as well as a bit of ‘current events’. Let’s just get started then –

Vanishing act –

Once I started Chemo, it felt like life sort of went on autopilot. Our summer existed in 21 day blocks punctuated with a chemo Friday. It seemed that merry-go-round would keep on spinning indefinitely on that first day, but somehow, I have come to the end of that first half of my planned chemo. During my 3rd cycle out of 4, I had a follow-up appointment with my breast surgeon and another ultrasound of both my breast and the lymph nodes in my axilla. The ultrasound and my surgeon confirmed what I had noticed – the chemo was having the intended result. The smaller mass can no longer be seen on ultrasound, all the lymph nodes now look normal, and the larger mass has decreased in size to less than half of what it was on the initial ultrasound. What great news! And that was all with one cycle in the first half still to go.

Along for the ride –

Last Friday, I started on the second half of my planned chemo. I will now be having chemo weekly for the next 12 weeks. It feels like the merry-go-round is now a bit more like the Himalaya. I am not sure what this ride may have been called for the rest of you, but this was the ride at Wonderland in Amarillo, TX that went round and round faster and faster with all the ‘cool’ music. It feels like last Friday was just yesterday and here I am facing another round of chemo already. I suppose this is good as it means the time will pass more quickly, but it was nice to have a couple of weeks reprieve. My new medications are Paclitaxel and Cisplatin. The reasoning behind the weekly dosing is that the efficacy (fancy word for effectiveness) of giving it in a lower dose more frequently and giving a higher dose, but every three weeks is the same. What isn’t the same though is side effects. I am all for less side effects so I suppose it is worth getting on the Himalaya.

Do you know that feeling when your harness clicks into place? When you are exhilarated with the anticipation of the ride, but also have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? That feeling that you have passed the point of being able to get off of the ride – you are now committed to seeing it through to the end? Well, when Matt drove me up to chemo last Friday and I opened the car door, I was reminded of the time in Naval ROTC in university when I had to jump off the high dive as a midshipman. I knew I could do what I needed to do, but just needed a wee shove. So, after we prayed that all would go well, I looked over and told Matt he would need to give me a wee shove off the high dive and off I went. Well, now I am buckled in and this Himalaya might turn out to be a different ride altogether. It may be that one where you are lifted into the air and then suddenly dropped, it may be a roller coaster with some loop de loops, it may be the bumper cars, or the ‘fun’ house. In any event, I am buckled in for the ride whatever it may be and trusting that my harness is good and when I get out on the other end, it will seem like it was just a moment. One thing is for certain though – unlike the Himalaya, I will not be standing in the line to go on this ride again, that’s for sure!!!

Going forward –

Tomorrow is cycle 2/12 on my second half of chemo. One of the medications used in the first half of my chemo has caused some damage to my veins. It is not permanent, but makes my arms sore and can make drawing blood and placing a catheter for chemo a bit more challenging (especially with chemo now being every week). So tomorrow before chemo, I am having a PICC line (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) placed. I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers for this to go well.

After way too long, we are excited to say my parents are coming to visit us!!! If all goes to plan, they will be with us a week from now, so please pray for safety and that all the details of PCR testing and results will go smoothly for them.

Until next time then –